Wax seals are red, Fire & Ice is blue, the Lamy is so sexy, I think I want two.

I purchased my first Lamy 2000 recently. And – unsurprisingly – I bloody love it. Want-to-write-poetry-at-2am level of love. I wasn’t expecting to adore it so much; I mean, it’s a German, stoic and boring-looking pen. My first loves are usually garish acrylic beauties.

But, this strong, silent (and burly!) Lamy has captured my heart and I am head over heels in pen love.

There are a pen-zillion number of reviews of the Lamy 2k (street name, blud) on the internetz, and I’m not going to reproduce them. Ed Jelley, The Gentleman Stationer and The Pen Addict do a fabulous job of that already, so please go there if you want measurements and nib tests. I’m adding something different to the conversation…an exclusive peek into my lusty Lamy relationship so far, through the medium of poetry. It’s Valentine’s Day coming up after all.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

You are cooler than Mad Men’s Don Draper

Look at it. It’s sleek form, strong curves and sixties Bauhaus styling scream: ‘I own a killer advertising agency and I’m not afraid to objectify women!’ I mean, that’s not strictly cool -I am a feminist after all – but it’s a pen that understatedly makes a statement. Much like Don Draper’s suits.

You are stronger than a German tank

The build quality on this thing is superb. The piston knob and section joins are imperceptible to the human eye, and the makrolon feels indestructible. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Lamy could  be used as a war missile.

You are reliable like an Audi

This is the pen that just keeps going. Need to take notes in a three hour meeting? No problem. Want to jot a quick shopping list? Easy. Have to write a grovelling letter to your spouse apologising for pen-related expenditure? The Lamy has got you covered…and yes, I’ve used it for this very purpose. The hooded nib and huge ink capacity make this an invincible daily writer. Vorsprung Durch Technik indeed!

You are simpler than Donald Trump

Say what you want about Trumpy Trousers, but his policies are – at the least – easy to follow i.e build a wall, screw everyone non-white and break the Twittersphere. The Lamy 2000 is EVEN EASIER to use and maintain than that. The snap cap is simple to pop on and off in a jiffy. Piston filling is straightforward. Cleaning is no bother. A great, inoffensive pen all round; perhaps a Lamy should be in the White House instead…

You are sexier than Claudia Schiffer

This pen is curvaceous, man. I stay up late just to look at it (and Claudia Schiffer, but that’s another story). It’s so perfectly formed and balanced in the hand, with a medium nib smoother than Claudia’s freshly shaved legs. In the words of Matt from The Pen Habit, ‘this pen is as sexy as hell.’

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

There we have it. Five reasons why my Lamy 2K will be my Valentine this year.

What fountain pens make you want to quote Shakespeare and run off into the sunset?!

Keep those nibs mucky 🙂

P.S Apologies for my hiatus, by the way. I was struck with glandular fever (mono to you Americans), and I have spent the last 8 months clawing my way out of bed using pens as metaphorical mountain poles. I’m steadily on the mend, so expect more pen pontification from now on :D!